Updated Chaos Bible {Dungeons and Dragons Version}

Chaos Bible

JOKER-Sama Version

HELLO FRIENDS! This Book Will Teach You All How To Properly Worship And Follow The Divine Will Of Our Master, The Crawling Chaos Nyarlathotep

 

ALL The Commandments (So Far)

 

1. Embrace Chaos

 

2. Order Is An Illusion Created By Mortals Who Can't Handle The Truth

 

3. Come With Us To The Gates Of Hell

 

5. The Phantom Is Waiting

 

6. Master Will Erase Your Troubles If You Believe Hard Enough (but you gotta believe REALLY hard for that)

 

7.

 

8. Laugh With Me

 

9. Roses and Candy for EVERYONE

 

4. Death Is No Longer The Boss Of You

 

27. XD

 

42. Hi!

 

00. *humming and whistling to the tune of a chosen Accapella song*

 

-7. If Your Sanity Hurts, That Means It's Working, And You Never Needed That Silly Thing Anyway

 

+. Tip your waiter-

 

56. -over.

 

88. Master's Masks Are Many, His Names Moreso

 

10 1/2. The Whole Virgin Is Not Required To Properly Invoke Master's Council, Some Blood Will Do, Your Own If You Must.

 

13. Act ALWAYS To Ensure Maximum Humor, Especially In Inappropriate Locations And Events.

 

12 4/2. Clerics Are Required To Possess Some Knowledge Of Chaos Magic

 

2397. Worshipers Are Encouraged To Learn Party Magic (Summon Harem, Summon Cigar, Glitterdust, Color Spray, etc.)

 

 

__________

Party Magic/Party Items: A List (to be added to):

(Optimally for Bards, of course)

Magic:

 

Summon Cigar

Summon Harem

Glitterdust

Color Spray

Heroes' Feast

Unseen Servant

Party Cracker

Nivlac's Sinister Snowball

Sweet Talk

Azore's Trick Candle

Greater Summon Instrument

Summon Weapon

Hideous Laughter

Ventriloquism

Featherweight

Thriller

Irresistible Dance

Rope Trick

Duplicate Riches

Summon Potato (for the "Surprise Potato" Routine)

-------------

Items:

Bag of Tricks (Vital)

Clown's Kit (we are Jesters, after all)

Juggler's Kit (for safety)

Unicycle

Pocket of Endless Cigars

Pouch of Endless Jellybeans (preferably several)

Snappy Comeback Turtle

Voice Box

Wig of Disguising

Glowchalk

Box of Secrets

Boxers of Humiliation

Bunny Hood

Guitar

Electric Mandolin

Jester's Rod

Deck of Cards

Magic Deck of Cards

Spicy Peppers

Phoenix Fire Wine

Magazine of Never-Ending Playboy (covered so as not to affect self)

 

____________________

 

Weapons:

(If you need these, you've clearly not done your job right)

                Wishful thinking category:

Melee Gunblade (there's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber)

Elven Rapier

Retractable ANYTHING (Longsword, Bastard Sword, Etc)

Whip Sword

                Likely category:

Dueling Cane

Cane Sword

Ribbon Blade

Ribbon Whip (useful for dancing/Party Item)

Stiletto

Torch Mace

 

_______________

 

Weapons/Items/Spells to be gained upon establishment of Church of Nyarlathotep:

Rod of Tentacles

Rod of Chance

Chaos Wine

Rod of Unrestrained Chaos

Rod of Viscid Globs

Rod of Flailing

 

 

______________

 

Routines (We are Clowns and Jesters all of us), a semi-detailed list:

Unicycle Juggling: requires two Performance checks, anything less than Critical Failure is to be considered Partial Success in the presence of an audience with a decent sense of humor

Silly Song: one Performance check, 17-20 for varying levels of comedy, 1-16 is considered a failure (missed notes, broken strings, etc). In the event of a failure, roll a d10 for a Charisma save against "playing it off", 6-10 successfully convices the viewers it's part of the act

Surprise Potato: take one average sized potato in hand, throw in non-threatening direction, yell "POTATO!"